On Friday 21 November of 2008 I was advised that my services were no longer required by the company I had worked for the past 12 years. The last of which had been my best year; earning more bonus money than any previous year- although nothing like those ‘Wall Street Bonuses’ that are in the news of late.
Current wisdom is that discussing my feelings of depression could hurt me in my job search; and I have to be careful to never ‘dis’ my former employer or reveal ‘confidential information’. But it’s a year later, I did a four week stint with the US Census Bureau last spring, I continue to promote my photographic prints & merchandise (with minimal sales) and I am now collecting ‘extended federal unemployment benefits’ which won’t go past March. We had to skip our annual trip to Toronto to visit friends and attend Pride.
In other words, I feel I have a right to be depressed, and I’ve never been a big fan of that old philosophy of ‘real men don’t show emotion’. Of course, a quick scan of my posts over the past 12 months certainly provides a hint of my emotions. From depression and anxiety over my financial state to my anger that right-wing nutjobs still think they should be allowed to vote on my basic human rights (and my anger at a government that won’t push forward).
One year later; I am still able to pay the mortgage and utilities (see this post), still have the old car (see this post), still promoting the timeless messages of pride from Romanovksy & Phillips (see this post) and promoting my own designs (see this post). During the past year I’ve been supported by friends and family, watched my 401(k) get within a stone’s throw of it’s previous high value (in time to cash out?), welcomed a new niece into the world (and a grand-niece expected any day now), and have managed to cobble together two night’s hotel accommodation back in s/w Ontario for family Christmas.
I’m not sure just what’s in store for me in 20-10 … but I can’t deny there’s as much hesitation as excitement. And yes, still a touch of depression.
