Today is my third weekly discussion based on a quote from the lyrics of Romanovsky & Phillips.
“It’s not a simple case of breaking up
One chapter’s closed, another has begun
Now I try to learn to call you my ex-lover
But how do you ‘ex love’ some one?“*
There have been a few people in my past that have hurt me very deeply; I seethe with anger when I think about what they’ve done. But I can’t deny that some part of me (some very small part perhaps) still feels the trace of love that lingers. I have had what I consider to be ‘long-term relationships’ twice before the current one. I am not in contact with either person; the first is their choice (I would like very much to still be a part of their life) while the other one is smart enough to never get close enough for me to see him. And yet, as much as I hate the way he ruined the relationship and (as far as I’m concerned) his own life with his behaviour, he was a big part of my life for five years.
As much as I know ‘holding on to the past’ can be negative- even destructive at times- I also remember that those who forget their own history have no chance of escaping it. Not that simply remembering past events, patterns and unwise choices guarantees avoiding them in the future. And I would hate to forget any of my history; good or bad those things are part of the journey that leads to here and now – and towards whatever the future is.
Also I fear becoming like ‘Chip’ – someone I dated for a summer. He claims to be ‘content’ with his life, and he might well be. But I am sure that as part of his avoiding any deep hurts he has surrendered any hope of experiencing joy ever again. Of course the fact that part of his avoidance strategy included forsaking sex ever again makes it impossible for me to really relate to him. He seemed to truly be happy when we got together; but was not going to risk any stronger emotion. There are plenty of songs, poems and stories that remind us we must know the ‘agony of defeat’ to really know the ‘joy of victory’. And so I try and make peace with the various ex-s in my past; whether lovers, friends, enemies, co-workers or ‘strangers in the night’ that each made (and make) my life the rich tapestry it is.