Reclaiming ‘gratitude’ –
I’ve blogged a few times about my issues around ‘gratitude’ – “just be thankful it’s not worse” and “why aren’t you grateful?“. The mass-murder in Orlando was a reminder that violence is always lurking. Recent homophobic neo-con talking points have picked up and rejuvenated the theme. Not bring thrown off a cliff, or stoned to death- we should stop whining.
Sometimes the past teaches us a valuable lesson, and sometimes we need to unlearn it. My will to fight for my rights, our rights, is not dependent on my rejecting ‘gratitude’ in any form. It is based on knowing that having ‘some rights’ is not enough.
My sense of ‘survivor guilt’ has contributed to not allowing myself to enjoy life – yet in my heart I know that Lukas, Richard, John and all those others we buried are not honoured by my mental self-flagelation. Cliche yet true- they lived fully until the end.
And so I realize that I can be grateful for what I have. I can take back that word, just as I have the Q and the F….
And so I start the process of rewiring my thoughts and feelings.