On Friday 21 November of 2008 I was advised that my services were no longer required by the company I had worked for the past 12 years. The last of which had been my best year; earning more bonus money than any previous year- although nothing like those ‘Wall Street Bonuses’ that are in the news of late.
Current wisdom is that discussing my feelings of depression could hurt me in my job search; and I have to be careful to never ‘dis’ my former employer or reveal ‘confidential information’. But it’s a year later, I did a four week stint with the US Census Bureau last spring, I continue to promote my photographic prints & merchandise (with minimal sales) and I am now collecting ‘extended federal unemployment benefits’ which won’t go past March. We had to skip our annual trip to Toronto to visit friends and attend Pride (see pix from previous years).
In other words, I feel I have a right to be depressed, and I’ve never been a big fan of that old philosophy of ‘real men don’t show emotion’. Of course, a quick scan of my posts over the past 12 months certainly provides a hint of my emotions. From depression and anxiety over my financial state to my anger that right-wing nutjobs still think they should be allowed to vote on my basic human rights (and my anger at a government that won’t push forward).
One year later; I am still able to pay the mortgage and utilities (see this post), still have the old car (see this post), still promoting the timeless messages of pride from Romanovksy & Phillips (see this post) and promoting my own designs (see this post). During the past year I’ve been supported by friends and family, watched my 401(k) get within a stone’s throw of it’s previous high value (in time to cash out?), welcomed a new niece into the world (and a grand-niece expected any day now), and have managed to cobble together two night’s hotel accommodation back in s/w Ontario for family Christmas.
I’m not sure just what’s in store for me in 20-10 … but I can’t deny there’s as much hesitation as excitement. And yes, still a touch of depression.